Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
