Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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