Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
