Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
