sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
