dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
