I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
