this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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