I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Sorry about my life...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
