i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
