Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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