Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
