so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
