it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
