I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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