Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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