omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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