if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize