I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
