I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
