You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
