I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize