On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
