He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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