Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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