I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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