Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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