Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
