you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
