No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
