masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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