it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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