You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
