be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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