You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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