I'm really into asian looking animals
i just had sex bonerless
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Randomize
