We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
