Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
