Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Randomize
