Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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