Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she pinky promised me she was 18
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
