I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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