I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
