Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
