Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
