Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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