seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
