I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
