I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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