I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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