if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Bring me that man meat
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
