Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I got inside last night via doggy door
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
