The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
