Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
