well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
