I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
