Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
