i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Never joke about your clitoris.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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