I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
