I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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