i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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