I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
