It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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