You made me cry and you don't even care
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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