dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
