yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
