Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
