Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
