i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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