I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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