Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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