my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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